


Things We Lost In The Fire

by ChaoticFreedoms



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Angst, Before Edens Gate, Before the Collapse, Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Bonding, Drug Use, Eden's Gate, Gucci John, John Finds Jacob, Lawyer John, Lost and Found, MORE tags when needed, Mentioned Abuse, Military, Other, PTSD, PTSD Jacob, Project at Eden's Gate, homeless, veteran
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:27:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22080307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticFreedoms/pseuds/ChaoticFreedoms
Summary: I really am bad at typing out summarys but trust me, if you need brotherly bonding then this is the story for you.It's been years since John has seen either of his brothers.  Separated as children and left to his own devices with his adopted family until their untimely demise. Now that his adopted parents have been dead for awhile he finally feels like its okay for him to search for them.Set before John and Jacobs' time helping with the creation of Eden's Gate this story is an AU for if John had been the one to find Jacob by himself instead of having any interference from Joseph.
Relationships: Jacob Seed & John Seed, John Seed/Jacob Seed
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	1. Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!! It's been a while since I've posted anything thanks to the holidays but welcome to the new year!! 
> 
> This story has been something I had started working on in roleplay on twitter but I've been dying to share it with everyone. I mainly have done all the writing for Jacobs parts but with my writing partner disappearing I've also done editing and writing for some of Johns' parts as well.
> 
> Title inspiration came from the song "Things We Lost In The Fire" by Bastille. Which I think is pretty good with Jacobs' history of fire.

John's parents had always told him when he was younger not to talk about his brothers. They were sinners, and they had tainted his soul with their sin. He didn't know what that meant at first, he was nothing more than a child after all, but he soon learned that bringing up either of his brothers would end up with him getting a beating from his parents. They would take everything away from him and leave him with the bare minimum he needed to survive, they'd lock him in a room until he learned his lesson. It took a while, but he learned. He couldn't mention them, he had to pretend that they never existed, that this was his true family, his real home. 

Despite his efforts, he was never able to forget. He would think about them all the time, he'd see friends with their brothers and he'd feel jealousy course through his veins like a poison. 

When his parents died, he was free from their rules and restrictions. He could do or say as he pleased, and yet he still felt wrongwhen he spoke about his brothers aloud. He hadn't said their names in years, yet he still saw their faces in his mind despite how young he was when they were separated, he still remembered. They were the only people who he ever felt really cared about him or treated him with any kind of common decency and that was why he wanted to find them if they weren't dead already. 

He had connections and money. It didn't take much for him to convince a government official to hand over any records about his brothers, Joseph had jumped from foster home to foster home, John just hoped he hadn't had to experience any more horrors in those homes. He'd had jobs, he couldn't seem to settle down but he was stable for the most part, he was alive. There were records of him. Jacob, however, his records were more sparse and concerning. He had been in the army, that didn't surprise him, but he had eventually been discharged and hospitalized because of PTSD, and then there was nothing. No record of him after that. He hadn't bought a property, he hadn't gotten a job. He was just gone, which led John to believe either one of two things had happened to him. The system had failed him and left a veteran to live out the rest of his days on the streets, or he was already dead. John had booked two weeks off work and had dedicated those two weeks to try to come to a conclusion on where his brother could be, but he always ended up back in Rome, where they grew up. That terrible place that held so many memories. 

If he wasn't there, he would try elsewhere, but he just had a feeling. He bought drugs with him, but he wasn't intending to use them if he found Jacob, he wouldn't put his brother through that. He would only use them if he failed if he needed something to make him feel better. 

He wondered if Jacob would even recognize him anymore, he was a child when they were separated. So young, fragile and /innocent./ Nothing like the man he was now. 

John scoured the streets for a week, looking for anyone who even remotely resembled his brother, he didn't expect him to look exactly the same as he did in the photo he had in his files, god only knows how long he'd been homeless for. 

He'd even visited a graveyard in an attempt to find a headstone with his brothers' name etched onto it. He'd sat against a headstone and injected poison into his veins that night, he was in despair, and all he wanted was closure. 

He had begun to search shelters, perhaps he was one of the lucky few who managed to find aroof to sleep under. John stuck out like a sore thumb in the shelters, his wealth obvious by his appearance. He'd even been punched in one of them when a man tried to steal something of his, /anything/ that would make him some money. That light bruise still marked his face, but it didn't matter. He'd had far worse. He was beginning to lose hope. He'd lost count of how many faces he'd seen that didn't belong to his brother. He was supposed to fly back in two days and he had failed, just like he had failed at everything else. Perhaps he would have better luck with Joseph. 

He began to leave a shelter, he had no idea how many he had been to at this point, but he was stopped in his tracks when he heard the mumbling of a man sleeping in the corner of the room. 

Had he heard him right?

He slowly walked closer to the man, only the back of his head visible as he twitched in his sleep.

'Joseph, John.'

He heard the man utter once again, it was clearer this time as he drew closer to him, hovering over him.

He knelt down beside the man, perhaps this wasn't his brother, perhaps it was a mere coincidence and he would be hurt for waking up a stranger, but it was worth the risk. 

He put a hand out, shaking the man by the shoulder to wake him up, silently praying that this was him, perhaps this time God would answer his prayers.

_____________________

Jacob was Dreaming when he was woken up abruptly.

It was his past, a bit of a happier time but considering his childhood it was still quite a nightmare at the same time. In his dream, he was with his brothers at home. It was like they were playing hide and seek, though not from each other. ‘Old Mad Seed’ was on a rampage through the house and Jacob was trying his hardest to keep his two younger brothers quiet in the closet he had stowed them away in. At this point in their lives, Joseph already knew that he needed to remain quiet but John was an entirely different story. Young, fragile and oh so innocent, and now currently, he was terrified. Jacob and Joseph both were doing their best to keep the younger child quiet to no avail. Their father knew where they were at this point and they were trapped. 

This was where the dream changed. As ‘Old Mad Seed’ opened the door they were no longer in the closet they had been hiding in but rather the old cold barn of their adopted parents home. John and Joseph were no longer behind him but rather in two different spots of the barn. Joseph looked absolutely exhausted where he sat upon an old hay bale, it had to be uncomfortable but Joseph showed no signs of discomfort.   
His gaze was locked on the other side of the barn at John who was trying to find anything to keep him occupied without being too loud. Jacob knew something was wrong though, he could see smoke out the window all around the outside of the barn. It stayed there ominously and it wasn't until he saw the first few flickers of flames threatening to spill into the barn that Jacob realized just how much of a nightmare he was in.

Jacob wanted to walk over to either of his brothers but he found his feet glued in place, his own dreams not letting him have control over his body. He uttered their names only to be met with silence. He was panicking now to get either of his brothers to move from their places, to flee the barn before it was fully engulfed in the fiery hell. He said their names louder as the barn filled with flames, it was only when Joseph finally made eye contact with Jacob that he felt himself being ripped from his nightmare.

Jacob woke up with a shuddering breath. He was quite a bit shaken and he clearly hadn't expected anyone to bother him, No one ever had a reason to. He wasn't quite sure who it was or for what reason, so he remained facing the wall for a moment, taking deep breaths to relax as he reminds himself that what he had just experienced was just a dream. 

As much as Jacob wasn't too keen on being woken up for no apparent reason, he was rather relieved to not have to deal with another second of the terrible dream that had plagued his sleep. 

He was certainly in rough shape. He had been on the streets for what felt like forever. His reddish-orange hair had grown out nearly shoulder length and he hated it. He had grown so used to it being short and well kept in the military that he wanted nothing more than to cut it all off. On the bright side though, the length kept his head warm. His clothes, however, were torn to shreds and didn't help much to protect him from the breeze that swept through the shelter. 

He shivered slightly in the corner he was in before slowly opening his eyes. The shelter didn't have quite as much of a budget as it needed to keep the heat running continuously so it was quite cold inside year-round aside from the hot summer months.

He was quite surprised when he opened his eyes and turned his head to see who had woken him to lock eyes with matching azure hues of a seemingly very much out of place wealthy male who was almost familiar in a way that Jacob just couldn't understand. He raised a brow unsure of what to say to the stranger until the silence became too much and he cleared his throat.

“And you are?” 

He kept a cautious eye on the man unsure of his motives in waking him let alone why someone like him would even be in a place like this, this shelter certainly wasn't anything high-class that was for sure.

————

As the man turned and John saw his face clearly for the first time, he knew it was him. It was Jacob. He would have recognized him anywhere despite how different he was to the teen he remembered.

He had aged, that was a given, he was dirty, and his hair was far longer than he remembered, not to mention his beard. That didn't matter. He recognized his eyes most of all, the same ones that would fill with rage when their Father hurt him or Joseph. He used to have so much fight in him, but it was distant in his eyes now. He looked exhausted, but John was going to help him now. No matter how much he had changed or how difficult it would be he would help him if Jacob let him. 

He just looked at him, not knowing what to say. What was the best thing to say without overwhelming him? He lifted a hand from his shoulder when Jacob spoke, his voice was practically the same as he remembered, a little more gravelly perhaps but he was homeless, who knew when the last time he had water was?

He wasn't surprised that Jacob didn't recognize him, he was so young when they were separated and he had changed. He wasn't a sweet and innocent child anymore, his parents had made sure of that. — He had tattoos on his arms, hiding the scars from the beatings his parents would inflict upon him. 

He made sure to stay crouched down beside Jacob, he didn't want to stand up and feel as if he was looking down on him, or even trigger — Jacob's PTSD. He had no idea how bad that was now, but he just wanted this to go as smoothly as possible. No hiccups, just two brothers reuniting for the first time in over fifteen years.

He opened his mouth to say something, but he couldn't talk, which was a first for him. He just continued to look at him, swallowing the lump in his throat that had formed, he had been looking for Jacob, but he had never thought of what to say to him. He didn't think it would be this difficult. 

He opened his mouth again, his eyes not once leaving Jacob's. 

"Jacob?"

He asked, his voice a lot quieter than he had expected it to be, but he continued regardless.

"I-  
⠀⠀It's me, it's John. 

Your brother, you remember me, don't you?"

He asked despite hearing Jacob call his name in his sleep, but perhaps John was little more than a memory to Jacob. He had spent so little time with his brothers compared to the amount of time they had spent with each other. He was 'the other brother.' A child too young to remember much of what happened in that house, but he always remembered his brothers. He could never forget the only people who ever cared for and protected him from the horrors that were inflicted upon him. 

"I found you, I can't believe I found you."

He spoke, more to himself than to Jacob as he felt a familiar sting in his eyes, and it was the happiest he had felt since he was last with his brothers. He only hoped that Jacob would believe him, and go with him away from this terrible place.


	2. Things Will Never Be The Same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As stated before I am terrible at summaries. 
> 
> This is a continuation of John finding Jacob and getting him out of the shelter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did promise a quick chapter update for chapter two, didn't I?? Enjoy this everyone!!

Jacob wasn’t quite sure what to make of the man in front of him. When he had turned to look at him and when he had spoken to the man his whole face seemed to light up with shock and recognition. 

Yet Jacob wasn’t quite sure who this man was. 

At least he didn’t think he knew. But the stranger definitely seemed to know him. Jacob looked the man over momentarily taking in every small detail he could. He was young, dressed quite nicely, he noticed a few tattoos on what little of his skin was showing. His eyes though, they were eerily familiar. That shade of blue, bright like ocean waves on a sunny day.   
Unfortunately, Jacob didn’t believe much in luck, rather with the way Jacobs luck had been going lately, perhaps the man just thought he was someone else, after all, he hadn’t seen anyone who knew him in ages so how could this person possibly know him. 

When the man started to speak Jacob was left absolutely shocked. He didn’t know what to say but he needed to say something. His mind was taking so long to process what the man— John had said. 

Was this really John? He had so much doubt but he hadn’t seen John since he was a small child. The last time he had seen John was when he was being put in the back of a police car, the night he had lit their adoptive parents' house on fire for forcing them to work and live in such horrendous conditions. He had never known what had become of his brothers after that, he had always assumed that they had been able to stay together after he was gone. 

He looked so good, so much better off than himself. Dressed better than Jacob thought he ever could be, clearly well-fed and he held an aura around him that seemed to command some sort of respect from people around him. Jacob usually wasn’t much of an emotional man, the military did quite a good job at killing off his emotions but right now, he almost felt like he could cry. His youngest brother, the baby of the family, had found him. 

“John. . . You’re so. . . Grown.” 

He had struggled to find the right words to say. Everything that could have gone wrong for Jacob the past few years, had. But now after kicking him to the ground so many times, perhaps the universe was finally giving Jacob something to be happy about. 

“Damn kid, is that really you?” 

—————————————

Jacob was always the most closed-off out of all of them, John had never seen him cry no matter how hard his Father beat him he never gave him that satisfaction. John was emotional, though he had learned to suppress it to some extent so that his parents couldn't see his weaknesses, he couldn't help it sometimes when he was overwhelmed. Only this time he was overwhelmed it was something positive. 

He could feel his chest tighten and his eyes burned with tears that he forced himself to contain, but it was obvious, bloodshot eyes, the crack in his voice. He couldn't believe this was real. He'd felt so alone, but now he wouldn't be alone.

"It's me, Jacob."

/Jacob/ that name. A name he had been forbidden from uttering if he wanted to spare himself some pain. It almost felt wrong to even say his name, but they were gone now he had to remind himself of that. 

They didn't have any power anymore.

"I'm going to get you out of here, I'm not letting you stay in this shit hole for another night. Never again, okay? I'll make sure you're never on the streets again.

We're going to get out of this place and we're going to find Joseph, and we can finally be together again, back where we belong."

He assured him, his voice confident despite the slight tremble in it as he pushed his emotions down. His eyes never once left Jacob's, it was almost like looking at a ghost. He was always told he didn't have brothers anymore, that they were dead and he should forget about them, and yet here Jacob was. Right in front of him for the first time in years, the brother he thought he'd lost. 

"I missed you so much."

He admitted, feeling a tear teetering on the edge of his eye, threatening to fall down his cheek. He quickly wiped at it with the back of his hand, only breaking eye contact for a split second. 

He wanted to reach out and hug him, or at least put a hand on his shoulder, but he didn't know what his brother was like with physical contact, John knew that when people touched him when he didn't expect it, it would make him jumpy or aggressive, reminding him of his parents. Trauma was an ugly thing, which is why John was so determined to help Jacob through his any way he could.

"Please tell me you'll come with me. You trust me, right?"

—————————————

It took nearly a full minute for Jacob to process everything John was saying before he answered him. He had been listening to him closely not missing the crack in his voice at all. 

“Yeah… I’ll come with you John.”

He answers simply before signaling for John to step back for a moment so he could stand up. It seemed like Jacob hadn’t left that corner in ages apparently only leaving it for use of the bathroom or to get what little food the shelter had been offering for the day. It really was quite a shame how little of a budget the shelters had in town. 

Once John had taken his step back and Jacob had more space, he stood up and took a moment to stretch. Now John could really see how bad Jacob looked. 

Jacob had always been a pretty lean fit kid and as he had gotten older that didn’t change much besides the muscle he had gained in the military. However, as he stood up John could see how loosely his clothes hung off him like that of a cloak on a Halloween reaper decoration. He was taller than John by a few inches but Jacob always had been. He was wearing a pair of old torn jeans and a long-sleeved shirt of some sort which had also been pretty badly torn up and both items were quite dirty. The holes in his clothes only revealed cuts and burns that had scarred his skin from his time at war. He really was quite a mess compared to John in his nice fancy clothes.

Jacob couldn’t even remember how long he had been in the shelter, Hell he didn’t even know what the date was for today. Jacob had honestly thought that he would live out the rest of his life in this shelter. Never in a million years would he have ever thought that he would get to see his brother again. 

He looked at John still a bit cautiously, brother or not, they hadn’t seen each other in years. They were practically strangers and Jacob wasn’t quite sure how he should continue from here. But now that he could see John with the light of the shelter hitting him from a different angle he notices the small bruise on his face and he raises a brow slightly. He was curious about it but that could wait until later.

For right now he simply wanted to enjoy the moment of seeing his brother after so long of being apart. After a moment of simply looking over John, he hesitantly reaches a hand-out and places it on John’s shoulder. 

“I can’t believe you found me either… I tried searching for you and Joseph for a while but, the whole neighborhood is gone.”

His voice was still rough but he lowered the volume of it slightly, only wanting John to hear his words in the overcrowded shelter. He removes his hand from Johns’ shoulder and covers his mouth slightly as he takes a moment to cough. He really didn’t feel any better than he looked. Perhaps it was a cold but Jacob wasn’t sure, the shelter certainly didn’t offer medical care.

_______________________

Jacob was never skinny, not like him and Joseph were, but his eldest brother looked even skinnier than him now, and weak. It didn't matter. John would help him, his parents could finally be good for something, the money that had been left to him would help his real family, god how they would have hated the fact that their money would be spent on them. It made it all the more worth it. 

He was going to fix this, if he couldn't fix himself he was going to fix Jacob, and Joseph if he needed it. They always meant everything to him, his parents were evil, his 'friends' used him for his money or for drugs. No one ever cared about him, besides them. He hoped the same didn't ring true for his brothers. It was terrible, feeling so alone and unloved, it turned people into monsters. He wouldn't wish that on most people, let alone his brothers. They deserved better. 

When Jacob mentioned the fact that their old neighborhood had been destroyed he shrugged. 

"That place only had bad memories. Good fucking riddance."

He spoke, sparing the detail of how he was the one who had commissioned for it to be torn down. He was, quite literally, destroying the memories of his past. He didn't remember that much, but he remembered enough to hold resentment towards that entire community. They all knew what their father did to them, it was a poor neighborhood. They saw the bruises and cuts on them, they heard the screams and the shouts coming from the house and yet they did nothing. He didn't regret it one bit.

John looked around the shelter, for the first time tearing his eyes away from Jacob's for a few seconds. Some of them were watching him like a hawk, no doubt wondering what someone like him was doing in a place like this, perhaps even planning to rob him, it didn't phase him at all, but this wasn't the time for something like that to happen. Not while he was with Jacob.

He was torn from his thoughts when Jacob coughed, did he need a doctor? Perhaps, but he wasn't going to find anything of the sort in a place like this. 

"You've spent enough time in this dump, brother. Let's go, I have a hotel room not that far from here, you can shower and actually eat something that doesn't taste like shit. You can sleep on a bed and get away from all of this. Come on."

He told him, not wanting to stay here a moment longer than he had to. He stepped to the side, gesturing for him to come with him, wanting him to have a moment to at least collect any things that he did possess, which didn't look like much. He'd fix that too. He'd fix all of this.

_________________________

Jacob really didn't own much of anything. He had a small bag he kept with him at all times but it didn't carry much of anything. Just a few patches he kept with him from the military and a few other useful things such as a pocket knife and some matches. It wasn't much at all but it was his and he wasn't about to give it up to anyone else in the shelter. 

“Last time I slept on a mattress it was out in an alley by a dumpster, months ago.” 

He admits softly to his youngest brother. It wasn't Jacobs’ proudest moment but after weeks of sleeping on hard cement, an alleyway bed was actually quite comfortable. He looked at John and listened to him closely as he spoke of the old neighborhood nodding slightly in agreement at its destruction.

Jacob took a moment to look around the shelter as John did and he took note of all the people who were watching their exchange, shooting a few glares at some of the men he knew to have been troublemakers in the past for shelter visitors. He may not have been in the best condition but he could still fight someone if needed. Even in his weakened state, his military training had taught him how to overpower even the strongest of men and his military file would agree with that statement as well. No one would be hurting his little brother tonight.  
Once he looked back at John and listened to him speak about his hotel and some other stuff about terrible food, Jacob couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle. The food really did suck at the shelter, he wouldn’t disagree with that.

“I’ve eaten far worse John. . .” 

Jacob wasn't about to speak any further on that subject rather than letting John make up his own opinion on what he had meant. 

He tilted his head towards the door and started to walk by Johns’ side in silence until they were outside away from everyone's curious stares. It was rather cold outside right now but Jacob took a deep breath and did his best to suppress his shivers. He didn't want to look any worse than he already did to his much better off brother.

He should've tried harder to get back on his feet after he got out of the military. He should have gone out and tried harder to find his brothers. He felt quite pathetic at the moment. There was so much he could've done and should've done but instead, he let his own PTSD and mind get the better of him. He had tried to get a few jobs but based on his demeanor and appearance people would always overlook him. He had been able to get a few under the table jobs at first but after a while, he stopped being able to get them. 

His PTSD would stop people from hiring him, he was just so disconnected from everything. He could barely hold a conversation anymore without something reminding him of his past and retracting himself into his head, reliving it in his head instead of continuing to function as he had once before. So he ended up on the streets moving from shelter to shelter until finally he just lost the will to move anymore. He had been at this shelter for over a year at this point.

Jacob was pretty proud of John. It was clear to Jacob that John had clearly done better for himself than he did, even if he didn't know the harsh path he had to take to get where he was now. However, as proud of John as he felt, he had only felt like he had let him down by letting John find himself in such a state.

————————————————

Once the pair of them were out of there, John reveled in the fresh air. The air in the shelter was different. Perhaps it was just the atmosphere. A place full of homeless, lonely and depressed people was sure to make any place feel unwelcoming, not to mention the way they were looking at him. Whatever it was, it didn't matter. They were both out of there and neither of them would ever step foot back in there again. John was sure of that. 

Jacob looked out of place standing beside John, he was, for lack of a better term, a mess compared to him. His hair matted and his appearance unkempt. 

People were looking at him now, rather than at John like they were in the shelter. It was like a whole other world. 

"C'mon."

John urged, taking his car keys out of his pocket as he stared back at a passer-by. He approached his car, looking back to make sure Jacob wasn't far behind, noting that he seemed cold, he was shivering a little. He'd keep that in mind. 

He unlocked his car, a Mercedes, it stuck out in a run-down place like this. John didn't belong here anymore, and neither did Jacob. He got into the car, turning the heating on to hopefully relieve his brother of some of the discomfort he was feeling from the cold. 

He drove back to the hotel in comfortable silence, besides a few passing words of small talk as he drove, he didn't want to pry into what was wrong with Jacob, not yet anyway. With any luck, he just had a cold, which wouldn't be surprising staying in a place like that. 

It was only a ten-minute drive back to his hotel, one of the few expensive hotel's in the area, he led the way to his room, passers-by once again looking at Jacob, curious as to why someone in his state was even allowed through the doors of such a fine establishment, but once again John stared back at them, if anyone said anything he was sure he would lose his cool completely, but no one did. His icy cold glare was enough to keep them quiet for now. 

He unlocked the door, holding it open for Jacob. It was a large room, with a view of the better half of the city.

"The shower's through there, I can get you some of my clothes to wear if you want, I don't know how well they'll fit you but it's got to be better than what you're in now.  
Oh, and food. You need real food. I'll get takeout, I'm a shitty cook. What do you want?"

He asked, talking quickly as if to rush through everything, he wanted to catch up on lost time. It had been so long, he had so much he wanted to say to him but he just didn't know where to start, he just knew Jacob should be comfortable first. That was the most important thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this new chapter. Hopefully, this one will have a better upload schedule than my other fic which I am still indeed writing.
> 
> As a reminder, my Twitter and Tumblr is ChaoticFreedoms feel free to message me any questions or comments!! I'm also an artist so check out my twitter for some of my art!! which one of my 2020 resolutions is to draw and write more.
> 
> KUDOS AND COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED


	3. Too far, Yet Too Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to John's Hotel... Yes, It's nothing less than a 5 star retreat.
> 
> I'm terrible at summaries, help someone, please.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, It's been a bit longer than I wanted it to be before an update but I hope you enjoy the new chapter!!

Jacob coughed a bit more before he glanced at John then down at the vehicle he had led him over to. A luxury car, expensive, and clean, it made Jacob a bit hesitant to enter it but after a look from John, he opened the passenger door and got into the vehicle. 

He enjoyed the hot air blowing at him a lot more than he would say but it was quite apparent on his face that he was pleased. He stopped shivering and relaxed as he looked out the window watching their surroundings as John drove. He wasn’t a bad driver which was a relief to Jacob. Now that his brother was back in his life he had someone to worry about again, but at least he wouldn’t have to worry about John getting into an accident. 

It was a quick ride filled mostly with silence and very little words. The hotel they pulled up to was very nice, certainly it was no Motel 6. Just what did John do for work that he could afford to stay at a place like this Jacob thought. He didn’t need to ask now, he knew he would find out soon enough.

Jacob kept his head down as they walked into the hotel. He didn’t need to see anyone to know that all eyes were on him. He could feel the stares burning into him as he walked with John, following him up to whichever room was his. They were relatively silent until they got into the room and John broke that silence immediately drawing Jacobs’ attention. 

A shower. That was just what Jacob wanted. Hot water would be a luxury he hadn’t felt in ages. The shelter John had been found in had one measly shower and with the number of people in the shelter you’d be lucky to be able to shower there let alone get any hot water. 

“If you could get me scissors, a knife or even both. I would appreciate it, John.”

He requests softly as he ran a hand through his overgrown hair. The hair on his head could certainly wait for a proper haircut but his beard had grown out more than he’d ever wanted it and he very much wanted it cut shorter. 

“Clean clothes… That would be nice.”

He says a bit more hesitantly. John was wearing so pretty expensive-looking clothes at the moment and Jacob wasn’t sure what else he had with him. He wondered if John even owned anything cheap.

After making his small requests he looks down at his brother listening to him and shrugging at the mention of food. It had been ages since he had a real meal and he wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted to eat.

“As for food, I’m not picky John. Go ahead and order whatever you think is good. I’m not quite sure what’s even around this place. I’ll clean myself up while you figure out the food situation if you’re okay with that.”

————————————————

Jacob seemed distant, but that was to be expected. They hadn't seen each other in what felt like forever. John always found it hard to trust people, and while Jacob was practically a stranger, it wasn't the same. He thought he was pretty good at reading people, their body language, it was the perks of being a lawyer. He could spot a liar from a mile away, he could tell if someone had ill intentions, but he didn't get any of those signals from Jacob. He was slightly closed off, but John put that down to the fact he was shocked, how could he ever have expected a brother he hadn't seen in years to come and rescue him from that god awful existence? Not to mention how wealthy John was, he didn't know exactly how long Jacob had been homeless, but it was a huge change, to say the least. 

"Whatever you want, brother. I got you."

He assured him in an almost playful tone, patting Jacob's shoulder as he walked past him. He found it funny how Jacob, even after all this time, still had those older brother characteristics. Of course, he was kind about it, but he was almost making orders. It didn't bother John in the slightest, but it seemed as if he had slipped right back into thatmindset. It could be from the army, he had no idea on Jacob's rank. He was sure he'd find out soon enough, whatever it was. 

He grabbed some clothes first. Fresh underwear and socks were a must. Jacob was taller than him, and a little broader even when he was practically skin and bone, he found some jeans, a loose-fitting t-shirt, and a flannel shirt. He wasn't blind, he'd seen the scars and cuts on Jacob's arms, he didn't know how he felt about that. 

John had tattoos to cover his own scars, it helped to hide the track marks too, but Jacob didn't look like he had tattoos, at least not from what John could see. Not to mention the fact he seemed cold back at the shelter. Long sleeves would relieve him of that. 

He looked through some of the drawers, finding scissors and placing them atop the folded clothes for his brother. He grabbed them, leaving his room and taking a knife from the block as he passed it, placing that on top of the clothes as well. 

He held his arm out, handing it over to Jacob.

"There you go, don't cut yourself. The knife's sharp y'know?"

He joked, a smirk on his face.

"I'll order food while you're in the shower. Is that cool with you?"

————————————————

He watched his youngest brother go around the room, looking through his clothes and picking stuff out before walking back over to him and talking about food again.

Jacob nodded his head to answer John and he takes the clothes, scissors, and a knife from him. 

“Yeah, Thank you John.”

He says softly before he headed off to the bathroom. When Jacob entered the bathroom and turned the lights on the first thing he did was look in the mirror. 

Holy hell he really did look like shit. Worse than shit in his own opinion. 

He could only imagine what people were thinking as John entered the building with him in tow. It was pathetic but John hadn’t complained at all about his appearance or even said anything about it. He had found him and just accepted his condition like it was no problem at all. Jacob certainly hoped he would look much much better after this shower.

His hair in his opinion was much too long and it was filthy. He was covered in dirt from head to toe and his torn up clothes certainly didn’t help the rest of his appearance. He wanted to get rid of these clothes, burn them to ashes and reduce them to nothing. 

After taking in his own appearance for a moment he walked over to the shower and turned a few knobs waiting for the water to get up to a more appropriate temperature before he stripped himself of the torn apart clothes and stepped into the shower. He looked down at himself and sighs as he sees just how skinny he had gotten, he had lost quite a bit of muscle, he would need to start working out to get it all back but who even knew if his body would ever be back the way it was before he had gone through all this. 

Jacob was in there for quite a while. At first, he was just enjoying the heat but after a few minutes, he went to work cleaning himself off, scrubbing profusely at his skin nearly scrubbing it raw to rid himself of all the dirt. He washed his hair and his beard making sure he was entirely clean all over before he let the scalding hot water simply just run over him. He was already starting to feel better now that he was cleaner. 

He let the water wash over him a few minutes longer before he turned it off and grabbed a towel to start drying himself. He then wrapped it around his waist, got out of the shower, and walked to the sink where he grabbed the scissors and knife before he started to get to work trimming his beard while looking in the mirror. 

Once he was finally content with how he looked he cleaned up the hair from the sink and grabbed the clothes John had given him and starts to dress himself.

When he goes out of the bathroom to see John he's not wearing the flannel, just the t-shirt. He would wear the flannel eventually but after that shower, he was quite comfortable and not so cold. Now that he was cleaner Jacobs’ scars showed quite a bit. It didn’t seem to bother him that much though. Jacob had gotten used to his scars by now, a grim reminder of the number of times he almost died in the wars he had fought.

————————————————

John decided on getting Chinese food, everyone liked that. Just in case Jacob was fussy, which he presumed he wouldn't be since he was probably starving or if he was allergic to something he just ordered a few different things, it wasn't like money was an issue for him anyway. 

While Jacob was in the shower he decided to look over some files for work, unfortunately for him, he'd used up most of his two week holiday looking for his brother, never the less, it was worth it in the end. 

It didn't take that long until Jacob emerged from the bathroom, steam following him out as he opened the door. He closed the file, setting it aside before he turned. The first thing he noticed was that Jacob's arms were uncovered, he gave them nothing more than a glance. Noting that he could see them more clearly now. They looked like burns mostly, though he didn't just want to sit and stare at them. That would make it far too obvious. He knew what role to play and when to play it, now wasn't the time to ask questions about them, if Jacob wanted to tell him, then he would when he felt comfortable. Though he couldn't help but be curious about them, each scar told a different story, and he gathered that Jacob's would be rather dramatic, to say the least.

John's were all the same, it was one of his parents, whether biological or adoptive, it was usually one of them. There were only a few that told a different story. It was rather boring, really. He was sure Jacob's weren't boring, but they would be far more gruesome. 

"So you do still have red hair, I was starting to think you'd gone brunette like Joseph and I."

He joked, once again trying to lighten the mood and make Jacob feel comfortable around him. He knew it would take time, but he had to start somewhere. All he'd ever wanted was to be with his brothers again, that was what kept him going through all of the abuse and the torture that his parents put him through. He wasn't just going to let this slip through his fingers. 

"You look better, though. You'll have to go out and get some clothes when you're up to it, I'll give you some money for it until then you can wear my stuff."

Usually, he /hated/ people touching his things, but Jacob was his brother. This was almost like a new territory. He didn't really remember how to be a brother, he just knew that he wanted Jacob to feel better, and to feel comfortable around him. He wanted them to bond, and find Joseph so they could finally be together again, but it sounded too good to be true. With his and Jacob's trauma alone it was going to be difficult, let alone with Joseph's problems added to the mix. 

They had a long way to go.

————————————————

Jacob stood awkwardly in the hotel room taking a moment to look around before he looks at John and takes a deep breath. This shouldn’t feel so hard as it was for Jacob after all this was his little brother. He couldn’t help but feel sentimental as he looks at how much he had grown. 

He was so lost in thought that he almost didn’t realize John was even talking to him but he snapped his attention once he realized what John was trying to do. 

Lightening the heavy atmosphere of the room with joking words. Jacob had to smile a bit at that but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“Yeah… Surprised I’m the only one who got it. When you were born…”

He pauses momentarily and sighs before continuing his sentence. 

“Thought for sure you’d be a redhead too. But you grew out of it quick. And now look at you…” 

He steps closer to where John was seated and smiles but this time it does reach his eyes as he looks down happy for his brother to have been doing so well. 

“You dug your way out of hell.” 

He had been referring to their childhood with their real parents but if only Jacob knew even half of what John had really gone through to get where he was. Still, though, those words would’ve held true. 

Jacob leaned against the wall slightly choosing not to take a seat just yet. It had been a while since he had gotten up while he was in the shelter and he was perfectly fine stretching and staying on his feet right now. 

“So…” 

He coughs a bit and clears his throat. 

“What are you doing for work?”

Jacob just wanted to talk, clear the air of this awkward silence that was plaguing the room.

______________________

'Dug his way out of hell.'

Yeah, from one abusive household to an even worse abusive household, only the second time they didn't have anyone else to take their anger out on. It was all John, but he couldn't expect Jacob to know. No one ever knew, he was ashamed, and he was weak for letting them do that to him. Their claws were still in him, even though they had been gone for over a year, he still heard their voices in his head every time he did something that they wouldn't approve of, which was most things he did. He would find himself dreaming about them, and always keeping a mask up, that was how he avoided the most pain with them. Play the perfect son, so now he played the part of the perfect whatever it is they wanted him to be. The perfect lawyer, perfect friend, and now the perfect brother.

He wanted Jacob to be proud of him more than anything. He was the closest he ever got to any kind of real parental figure, one that didn't abuse him for stepping out of line or just looking at them the wrong way, or sometimes just for merely existing. If anyone deserved a perfect version of him it was Jacob, he already had to worry about his own issues, he didn't need to worry about John's. 

He broke free from his thoughts when Jacob spoke again, a fake smile making its way onto his face. He was convincing, he knew how to play a role well, even if what was beneath occasionally slipped through the cracks. Jacob was observant, he remembered that much, but they hadn't seen each other in forever, everyone fell for the act he puts on, surely Jacob would too? 

"Oh, I'm a lawyer, nothing exciting."

He told him, wanting it to sound as mundane as possible. He didn't know if this rang true for every firm, but where he worked was corrupt, everyone was miserable. They were all alcoholics, or drug addicts, or cheaters, or anywhere in between. No one was actually happy.

"It's a whole lot of nothing, really. You know, I took two weeks off to try and find you? I've gotta go back in a few days, I was starting to give up. I even checked a graveyard to see if I could find a headstone with your name on it." 

He mentioned, leaving out the part where he shot up on drugs leaning against an unmarked grave. That was an unnecessary addition to the story. 

"Just for the record, I'm glad you're not dead."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the chapter!!
> 
> Feedback, comments and Kudo's are appreciated!!

**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry. Another chapter will be up soon I've still got about 30 more typed out pages for this story!!
> 
> I do not have a beta reader so I'm sorry for any typos any of you might find!!
> 
> Anyone who does Twitter roleplay or has a twitter stan account is more than welcome to follow me on my stan account @ChaoticFreedoms which is also the name of my Tumblr account as well.


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